There are clear advantages to being your boss’s favorite. But there are downsides, too: Your peers may resent you, and it’s not good for team morale. If you’re your manager’s pet, how can you encourage them to treat everyone more equally? How can you push back on the favoritism without seeming ungrateful or damaging your relationship?

What the Experts Say

据此,成为老板的选择“是很棒的和可怕的”Karen Dillon.,作者的作者HBR办公政治指南在其他书中。好处是显而易见的:您可以获得选择分配,额外关注和内部信息,了解组织正在发生的事情。但这种特殊治疗费用以成本为止。她说:“它可以养殖对同龄人的敌意和怨恨,”这可能会让你对你感到非常不舒服。

哈佛商学院管理实践教授Thomas J. Delong,以及本书的作者亚傅娱乐飞行没有网那among others, concurs. It’s often “open season on the boss’s favorite because others are jealous,” he says. “Favorites can get blindsided politically in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.” Here’s how to cope with the situation — and advice on how to encourage your boss to spread the love.

反映。

Dillon说,成为老板的宠物可以让您在与同事的同事中放置一个艰难的地方,但试着记住你的经理并没有故意恶意地在这个职位上。“它来自一个好地方。”你已经赢得了他们的信任和钦佩,很可能你的老板不欣赏你的情况对你有多困难 - 而且他们可能会因为在你的同事中不知不觉地怨恨怨恨而“破坏工作环境”。在你的老板的心中,你是一个有价值的员工,但对你的同事来说,你是最受欢迎的。

然而,让自己成为经理的达令并不总是一个聪明的职业发展。“你把你的旅行车挂在这个人的明星。如果他们离开或被解雇,你已经失去了电力基础,“Dillon说。考虑,为什么你的老板chose you in the first place。“The person who is a favorite knows how to stroke the manager’s ego,” says DeLong. “It’s psychological collusion. You make the boss feel good.” But some day, you could very well fall out of favor.

意识到光学。

When your relationship with your boss is chummy and casual, “it’s very easy not to realize how much other people see and observe,” says Dillon. Do you regularly drop into your boss’s office unannounced? Grab lunch together more often than not? Casually toss a Nerf football around the hallway? “These may seem like minor gestures, but they are so in-your-face to those not included,” she says. “They have meaning, and people read into them.” Being sensitive to the optics of the situation requires that you put a “guardrail between you and your boss,” she says.

尝试创造一些结构距离,添加Delong。本着公平的精神,您可能会建议您的经理踏上时间跟踪练习。“Say, ‘Here’s something that could be interesting. Track your time to see who you’re spending most of it with. Then consider how it looks.’” Your goal, he says, “is to get your boss to be more mindful of their patterns.” After all, he says, “Everything a leader does is a signal, and the signals need to be pure.”

鼓励你的老板传播爱情。

作为受欢迎的员工,您还需要努力帮助您的老板“看到团队中其他人的价值”,Dillon说。“使用您的状态闪耀着别人的聚光灯并给予它到期的信贷。“这不仅鼓励您的老板传播爱,它还允许您的团队成员看到您明智地使用平台。她建议公开和私下做这件事。例如,您可能会向老板发送电子邮件,详细说明了同事为一位大型演示文稿做准备的具体贡献 - 以及同事的同事。您也可能会要求您的老板在下一个团队会议中识别一个特定的员工,并感谢那个人的所有辛勤工作。您的目标是激励您的老板在应得的时候“慷慨,赞誉并赞美”。最重要的是,不要囤积你的老板的注意力和善意。并且不要利用你的关系。

直接。

这也值得考虑talking with your boss about the situation。Delong建议说些什么:“我们很接近,它会影响我与他人的关系。我不想被视为你的间谍。我需要战略地距离你。“他预测,由于你的诚实,老板“将更加爱上你。”他说,你的坦率和直接是“你没有专注于你自己的议程”的示威运动。“你在说:'在一天结束时,这是最适合该机构的。”“狄龙,但是,劝告在提出这个主题时谨慎行事。“你不想把你的老板放在防守上,”她说。相反,她建议尽可能地导航这种情况“与你的行为和行为”。她补充说,是建设性和积极的。

别gossip.

当然,“谈论其他人比谈论,说,系统或理论更有乐趣,”德龙说,“与老板的闲聊毫不犹豫地说道。“说:'我们必须谈谈我们谈论的内容。我很荣幸你和我分享[事情],但它与我的同事们的关系,我不知道如何处理信息。“”立场公司。如果你的老板对你的一位同事们一再抱抱你,德隆建议以“戏弄和支持”的方式说:“”我认为你已经告诉这个人你在想什么。“

您的目标是将您的经理轻轻地“教授”这种行为。然而,狄龙说,尽量不要在老板上过于难过。问问自己:“我的老板走出界限吗?或者这是一个人类分享传递的想法?“只需倾听,让您的经理说他们的作品可能是明智的。您还可以尝试“轻轻地保护您的同事”或在此事上提供更多背景。无论你做什么,“不要加入批评。”

努力成为每个人的最爱。

也许是对由您最受欢迎的地位造成的怨恨处理的最佳补救措施是“努力工作对每个人来说都是一个好的同事,”迪伦说。换句话说,“不只是boss’s pet; be everyone’s pet.” Be engaged and supportive, pay close attention to what people on your team are working on, and offer feedback and assistance when others need it. Your goal is to be well regarded by the boss — and everyone else on the team. “It is hard to resent someone who is helpful and engaged and publicly and privately supportive.”

Principles to Remember

  • Consider talking to your boss about the situation. Be honest about its effect on the team.
  • 意识到出现。尝试在你和老板之间创造一些距离。
  • 努力赢得同事的青睐。很难怨恨一个有用和参与的人。

  • 对你的老板生气。他们很可能不欣赏他们在你的同事之间引发怨恨。
  • Hoard your boss’s attention and goodwill — encourage them to publicly acknowledge the value and contributions of others.
  • 让你的老板八卦你。轻轻地将它们带出这种行为。

在实践中的建议

案例研究#1:对同事有同理心,并寻求公开和私下支持他们的方法。

戈尔登学院职业和联系研究所执行董事亚历山大·洛瑞表示,处理由BOSS最喜欢的怨恨的关键是记住黄金法则。

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” he says. “Envision yourself as the person on the outside observing the preferred employee. [And ask yourself:] How can you be supportive and helpful to your colleagues while you have a shining star on your back?”

Earlier in his career, Alexander worked at a New York investment bank under a boss — we’ll call her June — who was relatively new to the organization. “She was very smart and we had a great working relationship,” says Alexander.

六月对每个人都很友好,但毫无疑问,亚历山大是她的最爱。她安排了他的办公桌放在她的办公室面前。“所以每当她从一个大会回来时,她都停下来告诉我发生了什么,”他回忆道。“我被雇用成为她的副手,但在实践中,我更像是该司的事实上的主管。”

Alexander’s close relationship with June was not lost on his colleagues. One colleague in particular — we’ll call her Shelley — was incredibly jealous. “Shelley was one of the first members of the team, and she saw her upward career trajectory linked to June’s,” he says. “Shelley was clearly unnerved by the fact that it looked as though I was equally in charge of the group.”

为了让谢尔利的担忧,亚历山大努力证明他在心里得到了最大的利益。例如,他经常将雪莱拉到会议,以便她可以接触到其他最高管理者并获得组织优先事项的见解。“我谈论了她做得很好的事情,以确保6月份为她认识到她的贡献,”他说。

“我想帮助雪莱有机会闪耀。”

亚历山大也尽力成为雪莱的一个特别好的同事。“我经常会问她正在努力的事情以及我是否可以提供帮助,”他说。

雪莱非常感谢,她和亚历山大建立了一个强大的工作关系。

Today, the advice Alexander gives to students in this situation is to recognize that there are both career-boosting aspects but also potential pitfalls. “You need to recognize how your colleagues are feeling. You want to build strong relationships with everyone, as your network is the most important thing for you career.”

案例研究#2:创造分离,避免与老板批评你的同事。

Chris Lee knows all too well what it’s like being the boss’s favorite. In one of his first jobs, he worked at a medical practice brokerage, where he was the most junior member of the team. His boss — we’ll call him Harold — took a special interest in Chris. He openly praised him to other colleagues and often took him to lunch.

When they went to lunch, Harold would often make disparaging remarks about other employees. “Sometimes he would complain about how a team member was doing — for instance [he’d say], ‘He made a large sale last month, so now he’s slacking,’” recalls Chris. “[It] put me in an awkward position.”

克里斯反映了他老板的共享信息的动机。“我知道有时候人们只需要脱离胸膛的东西,”他说。“我相信我的老板没有寻求关于如何处理员工的建议。他只是想发泄他的挫败感。“

Still, hearing his boss’s criticism of others “colored how [he] viewed” his colleagues; he knew he needed to stop the habit.

Chris started to “gently question” Harold’s assumptions in order to inject some objectivity into the conversations and force him “to take a step back” and consider the big picture. Chris never joined in the criticism.

“有时这意味着重申我的老板所说的话。例如,“你提到他上个月带来了很多业务,对吧?”“他说。“或者,如果我的老板归咎于同事对懒惰的表现,我可能会建议'也许他正在经历一个粗糙的补丁' - 没有猜测或进入它,因为它真的不是我的地方。”

克里斯也谨慎态度,所以他还试图通过与同事带更多的午餐来创造他和他的老板之间的距离。

克里斯在这份工作中待了两年,今天他是一个大型卫生系统的高级营销经理和Purposeedemed的创始人,这是一个职业咨询。

从那时起,他与哈罗德保持了非常好的关系。“与经理建立这种信任水平和融洽关系,所以我从未把它视为理所当然,”他说。“他曾担任过其他工作的参考,甚至签约我在项目上工作。”